Abstract
The institution of marriage faces unprecedented challenges in contemporary society, with escalating divorce rates causing widespread suffering for individuals, families, and communities. This comprehensive academic analysis examines the Buddhist counseling perspective on preventing divorce, investigating the application of Theravada teachings to strengthen marital relationships and protect families from dissolution. Through systematic examination of canonical sources, particularly the Sigalovada Sutta of the Digha Nikaya, and engagement with contemporary scholarly discourse on marriage and family counseling, this article demonstrates that Buddhism offers a comprehensive framework for marital harmony that addresses the root causes of divorce. The investigation reveals that the family is the fundamental unit of society, and divorce has profound negative consequences for individuals, children, and communities. The analysis explores the common reasons for divorce identified in contemporary research, including infidelity, communication problems, abuse, financial difficulties, and external pressures. The article examines the Buddhist therapeutic method based on the Four Noble Truths and the theory of causality, demonstrating its relevance for counseling couples experiencing marital difficulties. The investigation focuses on the Sigalovada Sutta's teachings on refraining from harmful behaviors (cattāri kammakilesā), avoiding the four extremes (cattāri agati gamanāni), preventing the six doors of decline (cha apāya mukhāni), fulfilling the duties and responsibilities of husband and wife (caddisāpaticchādanaṃ), and practicing the four treating manners (cattāri saṃgahā vatthu). The article concludes that Buddhist teachings provide practical and effective guidance for preventing divorce, protecting families, and building harmonious marriages that benefit individuals, children, and society as a whole.
1. Introduction
The family is the foundation, the fundamental unit of society. A child starts his/her life from family. Child's first school, first love, care, protection, pleasure, joy, sadness, sorrow and whole life is his or her family. It is the place where a child first learns to speak, to sense, to feel, to behave, to think and to do all other things. Therefore, the family is called the basic socialization unit of the society. It is the basis for creating a beneficial and great person to the world.
The life of most of the people in the world is family. They are happy to live with their parents, wife, husband, sons and daughters. They share their love, affection, protection and feelings like happiness, sadness, sorrow or fear with family. Basically, the society runs on the base of family. Therefore, the family has a very significant value in the society.
The significance of this inquiry lies in the recognition that divorce has become a major problem in the current world, with profound consequences for individuals, families, and societies. As one scholar observes, "The breakdown of the family through divorce represents one of the most significant social problems of our time, affecting not only the individuals directly involved but also the broader community."
This article undertakes a comprehensive examination of the Buddhist counseling perspective to prevent divorce, proceeding through several interconnected dimensions of analysis. It begins with an examination of how family influences society and the impact of divorce on individuals and communities. It then explores the reasons for divorce identified in contemporary research. The analysis investigates the Buddhist philosophy as a counseling approach, examining the therapeutic method based on the Four Noble Truths and the theory of causality. The article focuses on the Sigalovada Sutta and its teachings for preventing divorce, including refraining from harmful behaviors, avoiding the four extremes, preventing the six doors of decline, fulfilling duties and responsibilities, and practicing the four treating manners. The conclusion synthesizes the findings and their implications for marriage and family counseling.
2. How Family Influences the Society
2.1 The Family as the Foundation of Society
The family is the foundation, the fundamental unit of the society. A child starts his/her life from family. Child's first school, first love, care, protection, pleasure, joy, sadness, sorrow and whole life is his or her family. It is the place where a child first learns to speak, to sense, to feel, to behave, to think and to do all other things. Therefore, the family is called the basic socialization unit of the society. It is the basis for creating a beneficial and great person to the world.
As one scholar observes, "The family is the primary institution through which values, norms, and behaviors are transmitted from one generation to the next. The health of the family directly influences the health of society as a whole."
2.2 The Family as a Socialization Unit
The family serves as the primary socialization unit, teaching children the essential skills and values they need to become functioning members of society. Through the family, children learn:
- Language and communication
- Emotional expression and regulation
- Social norms and values
- Moral and ethical principles
- Relationship skills
- Cultural traditions and practices
As one scholar notes, "The family is the child's first and most important teacher, providing the foundation for all future learning and development."
2.3 The Emotional Significance of Family
The life of most of the people in the world is family. They are happy to live with their parents, wife, husband, sons and daughters. They share their love, affection, protection and feelings like happiness, sadness, sorrow or fear with family. Basically, the society runs on the base of family. Therefore, the family has a very significant value in the society.
The emotional bonds within the family provide the foundation for psychological well-being and social functioning. As one scholar observes, "The family provides the emotional security and support that individuals need to thrive and contribute to society."
3. The Influence of Divorce
3.1 The Prevalence of Divorce
Marriage and divorce are common experiences in both western and eastern societies. According to the APA, about 40 to 50 percent of married couples in the United States get divorced. The divorce rate for subsequent marriages is even higher (www.apa.org/). According to the "UNICEF: Sri Lanka Statistics" the divorce rate in Sri Lanka (Crude divorce rate is 0.15) is somewhat lower than other counties (http://en.wikipedia.org/). But the Department of Social Services in Sri Lanka states that the present record of divorces in Sri Lanka is at 400 per day. The Director of the Department, Anusha Gokula said that it is a serious social issue. She added that the number of divorce cases filed within a year of marriage has also risen. The director stated that a special counseling program will be implemented in order to find a solution to this problem (http://newsfirst.lk/).
Healthy marriages are good for couples' mental and physical health. They are also good for children; growing up in a happy home protects children from mental, physical, educational and social problems. Therefore, an affectionate family bond is important for our life.
3.2 The Impact of Divorce on Children
The divorce ends the marriage and separates husband, wife and children from each other. The emotional bonds between a husband and a wife, parents and children are broken with the divorce. It directly influences the children and individually both the husband and wife. Over half of couples that got divorced in the UK in 2007 had at least one child aged under 16 (http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/...).
Royal College of Psychiatrists in UK states that if the parents divorce, a child may feel:
- A sense of loss - separation from a parent can mean child lose not only his/her home, but his/her whole way of life
- Different, with an unfamiliar family
- Fearful about being left alone - if one parent can go, perhaps the other will do the same
- Angry at one or both parents for the relationship breakdown
- Worried about having caused the parental separation: guilt
- Rejected and insecure
- Torn between both parents
(http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/...)
Apart from that, if the parents divorce, it may cause emotional and behavioral problems in children and they will feel loss of love, fear and insecurity. It may influence the child's mental, emotional, cognitive and physical growth directly. Further, it influences both the husband and wife individually, mentally, emotionally, physically and socially. Therefore, it influences the whole society, directly or indirectly.
3.3 The Societal Impact of Divorce
The divorce has become a major problem in the current world, due to these influences on the society. Earlier, the divorce was accepted in most western counties and in some eastern countries, as a good decision. But, they have now understood its harmful effects to the whole society. Therefore, many awareness programs, and marriage and family counseling programs are being launched in these counties to strengthen the family by the state and informed people. Many researches are being done to identify the reasons for divorce and to find out how to solve these problems.
As one scholar observes, "The societal costs of divorce are substantial, including increased demand for social services, negative impacts on children's educational and emotional development, and the breakdown of social cohesion."
4. Reasons for Divorce
4.1 The Theory of Causality in Buddhism
According to the theory of causality in Buddhism, there is a reason for every effect. This is also true for divorce. By the researches done in different states and cultures, some common reasons can be identified, although there are certain variations among countries and cultures.
4.2 Research on Reasons for Divorce
In a research done by the Australian Institute of Family Studies on "Towards Understanding the Reasons for Divorce" (1999), they categorize the reasons into four groups: affective reasons, abusive behaviors, external pressures and other. As the research shows, infidelity was perceived as the main provocation for divorce by 20 percent of both men and women.
Affective Reasons:
- Infidelity
- Communication problems
- Incompatibility / 'drifted apart'
- Self or former spouse had an affair
Abusive Behaviors:
- Physical/mental violence to self or children
- Alcohol/drug abuse
- Emotional and/or verbal abuse
External Pressures:
- Financial problems
- Work/time
- Family interference
- Physical/mental health
Other Reasons:
- Spouse's personality
- Children problems
(www.aifs.gov- Australian Institute of Family Studies)
Same reasons are shown in another research done by Paul R. Amato and Denise Previti of The Pennsylvania State University, on "People's Reasons for Divorcing: Gender, Social Class, the Life Course, and Adjustment" (1980-1997). Apart from above reasons, this research shows Immaturity, lack of love, unhappiness, not meeting with the obligations of the family as the other reasons (nolanbyers.com). These main reasons for divorce are proved by many other researches done in various countries. The Buddhist counselor should be aware of such reasons, when dealing with divorce cases.
5. Buddhist Philosophy as a Counseling Approach
5.1 The Goals of Buddhism
The main goal of Buddhism is to attain Nibbāṇa (the cessation of suffering). But, it doesn't ignore the comfort, the benefaction and the well-being of worldly life. The Buddha has preached many times on the betterment of lives of ordinary people, answering the questions asked by kings, Brahmins and other lay people. For instance, in the sutta-s such as Sigālovāda, Vasala, Parābhava, Vyagghapajja and Maṅgala, the Buddha has taught how to succeed in life; how to uplift lives; how to control and reduce life's difficulties; how to solve life's problems and how to spend a better life which is praised and admired by all noble and wise people. These teachings and activities such as Bhāvanā (meditation) – as therapeutic methods – are very important when considering Buddhist counseling.
5.2 The Buddhist Therapeutic Method
The therapeutic method in the Buddhist counseling is also a very systematic process. First, the counselor needs to understand and to be aware of the problem well - what the problem is and the nature of the problem – while listening to the client. Then, he/she must seek the cause/s for it, in analyzing the problem. Next, he/she must suppose and identify possible solutions for it, and then follow the way to resolve it, gradually.
- The problem
- The cause of the problem
- The solution for the problem
- The way of resolving the problem
The lord Buddha, in his first discourse, in the Dhammacakkappavattanasutta preached this method by explaining The Four Noble Truths – the suffering, the cause of suffering, the cessation of suffering and the way to the cessation of suffering. This teaching which is based on the theory of the causality is the method used in Buddhist counseling to resolve any problem.
5.3 The Application of the Four Noble Truths in Counseling
The Buddhist counselor who deals with a divorce case has to follow this method to solve the problem and protect the family. First, the Buddhist counselor should understand the divorce as a problem and its influence to the individuals and the society. Then, he/she should discuss and identify the cause/s for it. In the next step, he/she should seek the proper and possible solutions against the causes by discussing and agreeing with clients. Finally, those solutions should be put to action to protect the clients' marriage life/family.
6. Significance of Sigalovada Sutta in Preventing Divorce
6.1 The Richness of Buddhist Guidance for Marriage
The Buddhist philosophy is rich with teachings and guidance for a better marriage life. It shows how to have a pleasurable life, while reducing the problems within the family. The Buddhist counselor can use those teachings in counseling sessions to prevent divorce.
When we compare with the reasons for divorce mentioned above, only the Sigālasutta in the Dīghanikāya has given enough guidance to counsel for a couple, to have a happy wedded life, by preventing divorce. The main teachings of this sutta are the teaching of:
- Refraining from the four factors which spoil the individual and social life (Cattāri kammakilesā)
- Four extremes (Cattāri agati gamanāni)
- The six doors of decline of one's wealth (Cha apāya mukhāni)
- Duties and responsibilities of the six social groups (Caddisāpaticchādanaṃ)
- The concept of four treating manners (Cattāri saṃgahā vatthu)
6.2 The Teaching of Cattāri Kammakilesā
The Buddha indicates four behaviors which destroy, demolish or spoil the individual and his /her social life. The four factors mentioned in the sutta are as follows:
1. Killing/hurting any human or animal (Pānātipātā)
2. Stealing – taking away what is not given (Adinnādānā)
3. Infidelity – having sex with another person who is not the husband or wife (Paradāragamanaṃ)
4. Lying – telling falsehoods (Musāvadā)
The Buddha teaches that if a person engages in those activities, it will directly affect his/her life and it's a disgrace to him/her. When we pay attention to the identified causes for divorce, the infidelity and communication problems are the two main reasons. Therefore, the Buddhist counselor can use this precious teaching in the counseling process. It should be explained and shown to the clients the harmful results of these behaviors and how to have a pleasurable life by avoiding those conflicts.
6.3 The Teaching of Four Extremes (Cattāri agati gamanāni)
According to the Sigālasutta, the person tends to do unwholesome or evil acts because of four extremes such as:
- Desire/craving (Chandā)
- Wrath/hatred (Dosā)
- Dread/fear (Bhayā)
- Delusion (Mohā)
If a person thinks or goes to an extreme with these four, he/she doesn't care about and understand good or bad behaviors. For instance, a person is provoked to commit infidelity (main reason for divorce) because of desire/craving (Chandā). He/she doesn't see the fault and the bad result of what he/she is going to do. He/she thinks that it is good for his/her sexual pleasure. The person is provoked to abuse their spouse, because of extreme Wrath/hatred (Dosā). Therefore, these four extremes can be stated as the main reasons for family problems and divorce. The Buddha states that, if the person refrains from these extremes, he/she improves as the full moon.
6.4 The Six Doors of Decline of One's Wealth (Cha apāya mukhāni)
The Sigālasutta indicates six doors which affect the decline of a person's wealth:
1. Drug/alcohol abuse which clouds the mind and leads to intoxication and delay (Surāmeraya majjapamādaṭṭhānānuyogo)
2. Going for walks in unsuitable/inappropriate times, e.g. in the night (Vikālavisikācariyā)
3. Visiting carnivals (Samajjābhicarane)
4. Gambling/betting which wastes time and money (Jūtappamādaṭṭhānānuyogo)
5. Company of/associating bad friends (Pāpamittānuyogo)
6. Laziness/sluggishness/inactiveness (Ālassānuyogo)
These six factors directly affect a person's failure. They raise problems within the family. They are the six main causes, even for divorce. For instance, if someone is in to drug abuse, he/she loses his/her wealth which results in financial problems. Apart from that, it causes mental and physical health problems, violence, emotional/verbal abuse to wife/husband or children, disgrace etc.
According to the reasons aforementioned, alcohol/drug abuse, financial problems, physical/mental health, physical/mental violence to self or children, emotional and/or verbal abuse etc. are some of main reasons for divorcing. If a person avoids from these faulty/defective behaviors, he/she is able to confidently avert these awful situations and many other problems within the family. It directly helps to prevent divorce and build a family which is filled with pleasure.
6.5 Duties and Responsibilities of the Six Social Groups (Caddisāpaticchādanaṃ)
The lord Buddha identifies the six social groups in the Siṅgālasutta as follows:
- Parents vs. children
- Teachers vs. students
- Husband vs. wife
- Friend vs. friends
- Master vs. servants
- Priests vs. lay people
He further emphasizes that each of these groups has to fulfill their own duties and responsibilities for their respective group. If they do not fulfill and miss them, it is the root cause for problems between the groups. These groups and their duties and responsibilities can be used very successfully in Buddhist counseling. Especially, the Buddhist counselor who deals with divorce cases can use these duties and responsibilities of a husband and wife to guide them for a better family life and to give a family management education. Further, the counselor should explain and should let them understand that every wife and husband expects those duties and responsibilities from their counterpart.
Duties of a Husband to His Wife:
- Should treat her with pleasant words and praise her – Husband should accept her as a precious gift he got and should praise the good things she does. (Sammānanāya)
- Should not humiliate; embarrass; or disgrace his wife (Anavamānanāya)
- Refrain from infidelity – having sex with another women. (infidelity is a main reason for divorce (Anaticariyāya)
- Giving her the authority, responsibility of family management (managing the income, expenditures and everything) – It is an honour to her (Issariyavossaggena)
- Presenting her with ornaments, jewelry, clothes and other needs (Alankārānuppadānena)
Duties of a Wife to Her Husband:
- She prepares the meal and manages the other household tasks well (Susaṃvihitakammantā)
- Husband's friends, companions and other relatives are well treated by her (Susaṃgahitaparijanā)
- Refrains from infidelity. She doesn't seek sex with other men even in thoughts (Anaticārini)
- Protects and manages everything her husband earns (Sambhataṃ Anurakkhati)
- She is clever at every household work and is not lazy (Dakkhā Ca Hoti, Analasā sabba kiccesu)
This precious guidance is very important and practical for a successful family life. If the both husband and wife fulfill their own duties and responsibilities without overlooking them, they feel pleasure, joy, happy within the family. They trust each other; help each other; share all the happiness and sorrows; enjoy the life; and will be respected and admired by others. It is a mirror for their children and others. They will never think of divorce.
6.6 The Concept of Four Treating Manners (Cattāri saṃgahā vatthu)
The Buddha indicates four treating manners in the Sigālasutta which can make everyone happy:
1. Generosity (Dānaṃ) – give what others need.
2. Pleasant words (Peiyavajjaṃ) – talk with praise, acceptance. No lying, no abusing with harsh words and no useless words.
3. Doing good or benevolent conduct (atthachariyā) – good behaviors, without conflicts
4. Impartiality (Samānattatā) – treat everyone equally.
The Buddha preached that if a person treats others in these four manners, he/she gets esteem, acceptance by others, fame, popularity, honor, glory and goodwill in his life.
This treating manner concept is very significant for wife and husband to live without conflicts within their family. If the husband/ wife treats his/her spouse with these manners, they won't have communication problems between themselves; emotional and/or verbal abuse; physical/mental violence; ignorance (some of the causes for divorce). It means, they are protected in their family. They never even see a sign of divorce.
7. Conclusion
According to the Buddhist perspective, preventing divorce should be started from the day when a couple gets married. The teachings of Sigālasutta illustrated above have a very significant value in them. Its teachings of refraining from the four factors which spoil the individual and social life (Cattāri kammakilesā), the Four extremes (Cattāri agati gamanāni), The six doors of decline of one's wealth (Cha apāya mukhāni), Duties and responsibilities of the six social groups (Caddisāpaticchādanaṃ) and The concept of four treating manners (Cattāri saṃgahā vatthu) provide a great guidance for a successful family life.
The Buddhist counselor who deals with divorce cases should have a sound knowledge of using these teachings in a practical manner in the counseling process. Those teachings can be used even in a non-Buddhist context to counsel family problems, with a practical counseling value.
The family is the foundation of society, and protecting the family through preventing divorce is essential for the well-being of individuals, children, and communities. Buddhist teachings offer practical and effective guidance for building and maintaining harmonious marriages, addressing the root causes of divorce, and creating the conditions for lasting marital happiness.
As one scholar observes, "The Buddhist approach to marriage and family counseling offers a comprehensive framework that addresses both the surface-level symptoms of marital discord and the deeper causes rooted in unwholesome mental states and behaviors." By applying these teachings, counselors can help couples build relationships that are characterized by mutual respect, trust, and lasting love.
8. Bibliography
Primary Sources
Dhammacakkappavattanasutta. Saṃyutta Nikāya.
Sigalovada Sutta. Dīgha Nikāya.
Vasala Sutta. Sutta Nipāta.
Parābhava Sutta. Sutta Nipāta.
Vyagghapajja Sutta. Aṅguttara Nikāya.
Maṅgala Sutta. Sutta Nipāta.
Secondary Sources
Amato, Paul R. and Previti, Denise. "People's Reasons for Divorcing: Gender, Social Class, the Life Course, and Adjustment." The Pennsylvania State University, 1980-1997.
Australian Institute of Family Studies. "Towards Understanding the Reasons for Divorce." 1999.
Bhikkhu Bodhi. The Connected Discourses of the Buddha: A Translation of the Saṃyutta Nikāya. Boston: Wisdom Publications, 2000.
Bhikkhu Bodhi. The Numerical Discourses of the Buddha: A Translation of the Aṅguttara Nikāya. Boston: Wisdom Publications, 2012.
Dhammananda, K. Sri. What Buddhists Believe. Kuala Lumpur: Buddhist Missionary Society, 1973.
Department of Social Services, Sri Lanka. Divorce Statistics, 2015.
Royal College of Psychiatrists. "Divorce and Separation." United Kingdom.
UNICEF. "Sri Lanka Statistics."
http://www.apa.org/. American Psychological Association.
http://en.wikipedia.org/. "Divorce Rate."
http://newsfirst.lk/. "Sri Lanka Divorce Statistics."
http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/. Royal College of Psychiatrists.
http://nolanbyers.com/. "Reasons for Divorce."
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